8 Questions to Define You

I read online the other day that there are eight questions that when answered, can define you. I was intrigued and so I set out to answer them myself, having a felt a little lost lately. Here's the result...

Are you seriously going through with this?

What's your tennis ball? (What pulls you towards it, what are you chasing after)

What am I chasing, success I suppose like any other. More than that though, happiness. In all honesty though, right now, I'm chasing me. I'm being pulled towards finding myself again, as amongst all of the excitement of growing up and finding jobs and not knowing what the hell this council tax letter ACTUALLY means, I think I lost I bit of me somewhere.

For example, I don't usually read these things on the internet and actually try to implement the findings in my life but here I am writing a blog about some article that told me these eight questions could define me again. Well, I suppose I should start somewhere...

What am I doing when I feel most beautiful?

There are two answers to this. One answer is when I am travelling or exploring. I feel... freer and feel the twinkle come back to my eyes. Kamal often says he finds me most beautiful outdoors and it's because I feel free. Even in my bedroom there are walls to keep me in but by being outside, by walking through fields or staring across mountain tops knowing that I've climbed to the top to be able to see it... that to me is beauty and in turn, makes ME feel truly beautiful too (even if the rest of the world sees a sweaty, freckly mess!)

The second answer is when I am speaking passionately about something. As part of my role as Regional Ambassador for the Holocaust Educational Trust, it means I often find myself speaking in front of large groups of people - often quite important people too! When I'm on a mission to say something or get to the bottom of something, when my adrenaline allows my confidence to soar, I feel beautiful then. I'm in my element.

What is something you believe that almost no-one agrees with you on?

Cucumber should only be eaten with salt? No, not good enough...

I suppose, that history is there for us to learn from. It's easy to dismiss history as something of the past but unless we heed history's warnings and celebrate it's offering, we will only ever repeat the mistakes of those who lived before us. People agree with me but mostly, people just think that history is about a bunch of dead people, which it is. But we'll all be dead one day, wouldn't it be nice to think that people might care about us?

Hmm what else?

I know: that the world was once one massive piece of land. It makes me really passionate about the fact that wars between us, are all wars between our own people. It's not a concept that most of us will ever adopt, but it's true nevertheless! And I will not refrain from making people aware of that. Ok, so it's not going to bring about world peace in a day but I like the notion all the same. It makes me feel less lonely.

What are your superpowers, character traits?

Superpowers... I'm not sure about. If we're looking at character traits, then we should start at my complete inability to heed my own advice. Next, we should journey to my setting of ridiculously impossible tasks that only I would consider embarking upon. Perhaps then, we could stop at my failure to believe that anything is ever finished. In terms of character traits, my brain is my worst enemy. It means I think far too much at any given minute and leaves my emotions running wild all too often, although I'm not one for letting that show.

My Best Superhero Pose

I'm not sure what my superpowers are. Kamal always says he loves that I am open to anything, so I guess that might be one. I guess another is something my lecturer told my parents at my graduation last year, in that according to him I 'have a pretty high emotional intelligence when it comes to reading people'. That's not always necessarily a good thing, it can get a bit annoying too so superpower...perhaps not. But I guess in terms of all the other questions on this list, emotional intelligence is something that's certainly going to help me approach those sensitive subjects that I wish to when film-making and one that might go some way into revealing how to get my head back in the game. It's no superpower, but it's all I got. I guess I'm quite good at climbing too.

What did you enjoy doing at the age of 10?

Playing football and writing stories.
I think that moves some way towards proving the existence of a returning rift in my personality. Which one means more to me? Two years ago I told myself that I could make documentaries as a career and keep football as a hobby. I told myself it was a lot harder to do it the other way around. That was before I realised how much of my sanity lay in playing football and playing it well at that. I do sometimes think I could very easily work a normal day job in Sainsburys or Wetherspoons and live to play football with Maidenhead Ladies again. Although, having met all the people I have and realised also how much it means to me to have something to say about society through making films, I'm not so sure the decision is that easy.

Ten year old me is still in there. I want to runaway, explore, climb trees, laugh and pretend that I don't have rent to pay every month. My inner child is not completely suffocated... oh no! The weekend is just enough enough time to rejuvenate the youth and be a little reckless with adulthood. I just sometimes wish it could last a little longer.

What are you willing to try now?

Anything and everything - except weird seafood and skydiving. I've recently realised how much I thrive on new experiences, on change, on travel. Every time I travel I return revitalised and more knowledgeable about the world which in turn, drives my passion to make documentaries about all those things you come across along the way. For example, last year I went to Israel and amongst trying Falafel and rugelach and floating in the Dead Sea, I found a hugely differing outlook on politics. It seemed odd to me that somewhere with so much conflict could be so peaceful. Similarly it seemed odd that you never heard of the conflict, which made me feel a little more uneasy about how it seemed to sit so comfortably in the foundations of society. 

Back to willingness to try - I've tried recently to stop being so sensible with my money and allow myself a little time to have fun. For the three years I've lived in London, I have always worked, always saved and not really given myself the chance to truly enjoy the city. It made it hard for me to love London. London is a very lonely place when you don't allow yourself a fiver to get the tube to where things happen. Trying this new outlook has left me feeling a little more optimistic about life in the city. 

To try, is to learn. To learn, is to see. To see, is to show.
What will I try? I don't know, anything I guess... Try me?! 

Looking back on your career 20, 30 years from now what do you want to say you have accomplished?

Again, this is a hard one for me. After making a speech at City Hall earlier this year, I was approached by a Tory canvasser who told me I'd make a good politician. My instant response - an unexpected reflex - was to say 'never'. When asked why, I said without hesitation, because you can never keep your promises to everyone. You can't win.

The amazing Susan Pollack - Holocaust Survivor

I couldn't stop thinking about that for the whole journey home. It was as if something about my desire was released within me without me planning for it. I realised then that I wanted a career that would help people. I wanted a career that would help people say what they needed to say. That for me comes with factual film-making. The films I want to make will tell of wars and of inspiration and of the past and of the future, as my recent documentary attempted to do. I want to look back on my career and say I accomplished the making of a film that really made a difference to its contributors or to its audience. The feeling I got from speaking to the holocaust survivors for my doc 'After Auschwitz' truly inspired me and from that I learned that I want to accomplish the need within me to help tell someone else's story to the world, in the hope that it might just make it, just that little bit better.

What is your sentence? (One that sums you up, who you are and what you want to achieve)

I used to be good at this. Summing up a lot of information in one sentence but as you can tell from this blogpost, it's no longer a talent I maintain. Perhaps a philosophy will do. Someone else's sentence:

'Life is easier than you think...all you have to do is: accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, bear the intolerable and be able to smile at anything'

This is something I live by, not always intentionally. My aim is always to be able to smile again. It falters. I cry. I take a deep breath and tell myself to pull myself together.

We are stronger, bigger and better than we think and thinking, is almost always the problem. I think too much. For that reason I am going to heed my own advice for the first time in as long I can remember. I'm not going to think and I will admit defeat at this question... I don't have a sentence. Perhaps one day I will. But right now, I am 21 years old and my sentence is changing.

When in Rome...