Like many others in my industry, I have travelled a remarkable amount of milage through the back-alleys of free work - all in the name of progress. But as far as my experience bubble on LinkedIn could tell me I'm an 'All-Star', it quite frankly meant nothing for my bank balance and I even had to resort to the thing that I'd wanted to avoid at all costs, 'state benefits'.
I was upholding a zero-hour contract at a bar to pay my rent, alongside gaining relevant experience within the industry when there were no shifts left to take. I was working all hours of the day to make my mark on the industry and working all hours of the night to make up the money to live in London - and I'd often fall a little short, resorting to housing benefit to make up the difference.
It makes me feel almost ashamed to say that I was on benefits, but I realise now that this isn't my fault. If I was being paid my way, instead of agreeing to free work for companies that have a single production budget larger than my entire life's earnings - I wouldn't have touched them.
I think it is absolutely unacceptable for companies to palm work off on newly trained graduates or entry level professionals and freelancer, and NOT pay them. Does being young and enthusiastic somehow grant professional immunity to rent and bill payments?
At this point I want to encourage a round of applause for 'The Freelancer Club' who have stepped up to tackle the problem head on - despite the shit that comes with it from those grey-haired OxBridge graduates that once ran the business. This time we're stepping up the fight as freelancers are joining forces with grey-haired industry leaders that DO want change and young professionals to pave the way for this NEW, DIVERSE industry that everyone keeps talking about. With the BBC today announcing 5,000 9-week digital traineeships - surely NOW is the time to encourage change in the industry and train up a youth of professionals that will be valued for their talent, irrespective of their background and taught that 'The Only Way Is Pay'.
It comes at a price for the club, 'During the research period alone we've lost business as a direct result of our questioning' but I for one, am backing them all the way and I hope you will too. For all too long have we been silenced by the admins of various Facebook groups who say, 'it's how it was for all of us, so deal with it' or 'how do expect to get anywhere with that attitude?' when we're really not asking much - all we want is TO BE PAID. If this is the attitude we face at the top then it tells you everything you need to know about where the industry we all cherish - is doing things all wrong and is freezing out promising emerging talent with its inability to admit that change is necessary.
So join the movement, join the Freelancer Club and say #NoFreeWork - say that paying expenses only for Producer roles is WRONG and pledge to say that together we really can stop exploiting the talent that could transform the industry we know and love.
https://thefreelancerclub.co.uk/blog/post/no-free-work
https://www.change.org/p/freelancers-employers-stop-posting-and-applying-for-unpaid-freelance-work
MAKE SURE TO TWEET ME YOUR OWN STORIES OF FREE WORK & LET ME KNOW IF YOU PLEDGE!
And here's an interesting article about the argument surrounding internships too: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-29996607 I'd love to see your tweets about how you feel about this!
Showing posts with label broadcast. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broadcast. Show all posts
Thursday, 5 March 2015
Wednesday, 28 January 2015
Days of Hope + Q&A
'Days
of Hope' & Q&A with Director
Ditte Haarløv Jensen
The Frontline Club
Monday 26th January
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| twitter.com/frontlineclub |
It was a long journey. I mean it took 3
years, with shooting on and off. To Mauretania I went twice, Italy I went once,
only two weeks actually so that was really compressed, having to find a place
and people and shoot within that time span. Copenhagen I had a lot of time
because that’s where I’m based obviously. And it was also the most difficult
place to film. All in all I don’t even know how many (aside) do you know? My
producer is here by the way
Producer: Many hours.
Many hours in languages I did not
understand. So there was a long editing process first off, of getting things
translated and then of course, trying to narrow down, finding out what is the
story here.
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| bullittfilm.dk |
The idea actually came to me many
years before I started the film. The idea started when I met a guy just after I finished at the Danish Film
School. This was in 2007. He told me how he had come to Europe across the sea
and through the city of Nouadhibou where I later went. His last job in Nouadhibou
had been as a grave digger at the catholic cemetery where he would dig the
graves for the people who had not made it across the sea right, so his friends
who had rolled ashore, dead corpses. He would dig their grave and make money to
make the journey himself. So when he told me that story I thought wow, this is,
that would be a wild way to make a film and to tell the story without having to
be on the boat yourself and having to be very specific and very hardcore.
Meanwhile I started making another film and
many years passed. So when I came back to this story which had stayed on with
me, the reality was different. So, the sea had sort of closed, because the
Spanish coastguard had started patrolling and all that.
So, reality was different.
I off-tracked a little bit maybe but that
was how it started anyways.
(Sorry I’m a little bit tired because I
travelled from Copenhagen today with my son who woke up at 7o’clock this
morning and slept whilst you were starting to see this film.)
Q) It was a really beautiful film, it was amazing.
Loads of questions but I’ll try and limit it to 2. The first is just, what’s happened
to them all? Second is, one of things I really find amazing is just how it was
cinematic in the sense that no-one seemed particularly aware of the camera ,
but you must have been pretty close. I mean, I’ve worked in those kind of
places before and did you have to talk them through that? How did that work,
did you have to say hey don’t talk to me? And, look sad… how did that evolve?
Of course, it took a lot of time being with
people. I mean, as I said filmed a lot right. So, there is a lot that isn’t in
the movie. But I do spend a lot of time with the people I film. I mean they are
my friends right and that’s why also they’re not aware of the camera because
they’re speaking to me there with them. Although there is also a
cinematographer in the room, who is incredibly gifted yes she’s a very good
maker.
So what happened, Harouna, he actually went
to Morocco and he tried twice to cross the ocean. The first time they were
stopped before getting into the borders and the second time he actually came
into a boat but it capsized. Luckily he had a life vest on because he doesn’t
know how to swim. So he came back onto some rocks and was hanging there and the
police took him to jail and beat him up and then he was out again. And now he’s
actually back in Mali. For one month he’s been back in Mali. 6.33
In Italy I, I don’t know where they are.
Many of them are still in Italy though, that’s what I know. Without documents.
What happens is they get a resident’s permit for a year, so they’re out of the
camp and when that expires they just keep on hanging in as long as they can
really.
Austin, the bottle collector in Copenhagen,
he’s in Sweden with the woman you saw him with, who is his wife. He’s still
waiting for his papers. You might sort of, doubt, that he will get them but
hopefully.
And then there is Thelma, the young girl in
the film, whose mother is a prostitute, I made another film about. She is
luckily out of the brothel where she was living with her mother and now she,
she’s studying, which is very good. And her mother is also, she moved away from
that place to another, still going through a lot of hardship but managing. Yep.
Q) What was it like filming in Mauretania, did you
have any security issues, did you have to prepare much in advance before you
went there to film? What was it like?
It was a little bit rock and roll like.
It’s kind of like the wild west. But it was also, yes there were security
issues in the sense that they don’t like people filming there. I was called to
the police station many times just for taking the camera out in public. So I
had to film within the people’s homes as you saw in the film, that’s where most
of it is recorded right. I had a paper from some, ministry of cultural affairs
but it didn’t really help me at all whilst I was in Nouadhibou because the
ministry of culture was in the capital city so that was too far away and in Nouadhibou
it was the sheriff of Nouadhibou who was ruling so.
But I was very lucky that I had been in
touch with the catholic priest, and told I met the guy that told me that
initial story and he was the one who told me, just come, come there’s plenty of
stories to tell even though the sea is closed. So, he also invited me to stay
at the catholic mission when I was there. When I arrived we went out for dinner
and we found out that his sister was teaching my little sister at the boarding
school in Swaziland where she was studying. So his sister, was Nigerian, so
this Nigerian woman was teaching my Danish little sister who lived in
Mozambique and was studying in Swaziland. So, that was a nice connection to
make.
So the first sermon I went to, where he was
preaching, the whole migrant community in Nouadhibou, this is Ditte, she might
be white on the outside but she’s black on the inside. Talk to her and tell her
your story. So, I was very lucky in that sense that he really opened up the
migrant community for me.
Q) How common is women in effect falling into
prostitution because it was, there was clearly a lot of implication in that in
several telephone calls, that that was the hint behind it? Secondly, in
Mauretania is there any indication of economic trends which have made the
migration need worse or probably not better. I say that because there have been
reports for many years of the fishing being decimated, particularly like in
Somalia by offshore industrials and also, whether you heard anything, amidst
allegations made by a major representative of a major European country that
certain countries in Europe are in effect, bribing officials in the transit countries
to block sailings. Did you ever hear anything of that?
![]() |
| serenoregis.org |
In regards to the economic situation with
the fishing being emptied out for the little everyday guy, fisherman, I mean
that is what happens all along the African coast no? There aren’t many
possibilities of making a living as an ordinary normal human being. So, so that
makes people want to travel more, obviously. I mean many of the captains, they
made a living by actually taking people over to the other side right, whilst
fishing.
And in regards to prostitution yes that was
mainly how the women would get by, I mean there wasn’t another way for a woman
really. And in Mauretania, in Italy and in Denmark yes.
Q) How did you find your contributors and are there
any that didn’t make the cut who also have quite interesting stories?
The stories outside the film are always so
much more interesting than what you see here. I mean reality far surpasses
anything that I could ever show in a film. It’s a crazy world. I have many more
characters but I ended up with these because they were the ones that were
closest to my heart. So I suppose in that sense I feel I have represented my
experience as good as I could.
How did I find them, I mean, through the
priest, father Jerome. Just through walking the streets basically a lot.
Harouna was actually from just walking around and yeh meeting him. And then in
Italy, that’s actually a pretty crazy story, in Italy I wanted to go to Lampedusa
but Berlusconi he had closed it down, and declared a state of emergency at that
point because so many people were arriving with the boats. So, no journalism
affiliated people could go there. Instead, I had to go to Sicily and Sicily
just privatised the whole businem, asylum centres. So what happened is I
found this place and it was a mafia boss who had gotten it. And the mafia boss,
he didn’t really care about the place, he just cared about the…money that he
could get per person that was in there. So, I was in a really weird way, was
free to walk in and start filming and nobody asked me any questions. So that’s
what I did.
![]() |
| cphdox.dk |
No I met Austin also in the street and I
think he agreed to participate because he had that wife in Sweden, so he was in
a way, a little more home safe than the other guys after all.
![]() |
| dfi.dk |
Q) You mentioned the 2 week very compressed filming time and I was wondering if that was a decision on your part or whether it was the authorities that restricted you to 2 weeks?
No that was the financial restriction. I
went with my cinematographer and we needed a place to stay and all that.
Q) Who did you have in mind when you started making this movie? Did you have policy makers in mind? What’s the influence really that you want to have?
I really do not think so far. I don’t know
if that’s good or bad but I always start a film by being touched myself by
somebody’s story and then I take it from there. I guess deep down, I am a human
being that sort of feels there’s a huge injustice in this world that I would
like maybe make my little part in shifting a little bit. So, that’s my
indictment if you call it like that, I don’t really know.
| rotaserituais.com |
I think the people that travel, they know
that it’s not as good as, they know there’s a financial crisis in Europe, they know it’s not paradise on Earth. They
have to, they just need to dream, to
believe that they can make it, that they can have a better life because what
they have behind them carrying on their back is, is heavy duty no? They need to
give their family, their children a future.
What I believe is that we should share the
wealth of this world a little more equally right then I don’t think people
would have to risk their lives like they do crossing the ocean for a, for life
as a prostitute or a bottle collector.
How that wealth is to be distributed, I
don’t know, I’m not totally sure.
Q) As Franz Fanon said many, many years ago, ‘the only
feeling of certainty for a black body is the feeling of uncertainty’ and I
think you really showed it in your movie. You answered many questions I wanted
to ask but one was also, did you speak to anyone staff that was receiving the
people, that was hosting the people or did you just speak to the immigrants?
I mean I was in the centre right, right in
the asylum centre and I spoke to the people there but they were not really
receiving, they were just there.
I mean, they’re just doing their job, they
don’t have any broader, broader feeling or experience of the whole
interconnectedness of it all. They’re just happy they have a job in a country
that is in a recession right.
Q) I really loved the film, I thought it was
beautiful. One of the things that I found really moving were the little
conversations back home to children and there were lots of references to
children who were being left behind. I just wondered if you spoke to any of
those children or any of the partners that were left behind. Because you kind
of picked up a lot of resentment and anger with a couple of the women. But I
just wonder, the effect that was having on the children and how much they
understood and could comprehend.
Yeh, no I did not speak… I did not speak
with the family, families, left behind but it was very important for me to have
that there of course, because that’s what it’s all about. That’s why these
people are moving right. But I felt that Thelma, the young girl you see in
Copenhagen, is sort of the living picture of all those left behind. That’s why
you see the consequences that it has even when you succeed in getting your
child to Europe, it might not be just as blissful as you thought.
Q) Thank you for the film it was very powerful. I just
wondered if it was difficult to get funding for something of this subject? And
what the obstacles were and whether people were very happy to get involved.
Ditte: Maybe that’s a question for my
producer
Prod: (INAUDIBLE)…..
No Microphone.
This scheme, was a scheme where we could
work quite freely. We already have television on board and the Danish film
institute came onboard in sort of a package that is all about, trying to walk
new ways. So, people who were very preoccupied with trying to find other ways
of describing this situation rather than n an anonymous journalistic way. So we
had, we didn’t have a lot of money but
we had a great amount of freedom in making the film as we wanted to make
it, you could say.
![]() |
| youtube.com |
Really I think most of all, they just
wanted to hang out with me. I mean I make it very clearly when I film that I’m
not going to give them a ticket to Europe. I can’t help in that way. I do not
pay, the one time I did it turned out really badly. So it’s a matter of a hard
feeling right, I mean, it’s a matter of meeting somebody where you feel ok
here’s a connection, somebody I really want to spend some time with.
Then of course, I do help as much as I can
right, as the person I am. For Lisa the prostitute, the mother of Thelma, who’s
been living in ??London?? for many years, I’ve
always been helping her with her connections with the authorities and things
like that. Where I can help, I, I try to be as good as a social worker can be.
But that is it. I mean, I do make it very
clear that I cannot, give them something.
Q) How did you feel when you saw the goat? And it
looked like some sort of witch doctor where they were praying using the body
parts, so I was just curious.
That was it, it was sort of a sacrifice no?
For his journey to go well. And I felt absolutely fine, filming that goat.
Because it was really, it was a sacrifice and the whole deal was that the meat
of course also is being sacrificed to the people in the community so it came of
good use.
And it works beautifully. Of course, it has
a bit of a shock effect in the film but that’s obviously the intention since
it’s so difficult to create any drama in a film about people waiting. That was
the hugest challenge in this film, you know nothing happens, people are just
waiting, so at least I got a goat.
Q) Thanks very much it was a wonderful film. I think
as a black person, as an African, for us, the only solution we have is to
completely and utterly leave Europe, go back to Africa and build our own
continent. That’s the only solution we have. There’s no other solution and I
think people are prepared to die for that. When we looked at the colour valley
incident in France, I think as you can see, some of us have just lost hope
completely, where they kill, they leave and then they come back to die. I feel
you’re going to get two strains. One, where we say we need to leave, we need to
get out of this hellhole and the other one is, well we’re going to take as many
people as we can with us. I think that, that’s the way it is. Thank You.
That is, yeh, that’s a way to see it.
Q) What kind of structure did you have in mind and how
did it come together in the end? Did you have any storytelling technique that
helped you get, move the story along?
Totally just by doing. It was really
difficult actually to create the story. It was created in the editing. I did
have an idea of free independent rules so to say, but that didn’t work out at
all. So, it just happened because that was the way the story wanted to be told.
The sort of intertwining of the different places.
Q) How did you decide on the order?
Maybe because that’s the order that I
visited the different places. And moving back and forth made sense, because
they were all sort of reflecting back on one another. Like, the characters are
also reflecting back on one another.
![]() |
| grundtvigs.dk |
No I don’t have really any moral
restrictions when I’m filming. I tried that once and it really didn’t work
because good and bad are so much, intertwined.
I mean, as I said before, in Copenhagen it
was difficult because people were so disillusioned and they spent so many years
in Europe and had gotten nowhere basically, except from the street right. So
for me coming with a camera, that was of course, a little privileged white
woman, coming there to make it big in Hollywood as they saw it. Which was not
really the case but I can understand their point of view. And that’s what I had
to sort of, fight with or put up with. So, understandably enough, that was a
resentment. They were just trying to survive. And it wasn’t easy.
Otherwise no, I think, no resentment except
from the Mauritanian government because they were so racist towards the black
African community. So they sort of felt that I was doing something with them
and they were very scared that I would point the finger at the Mauretanian
government.
HOST: Thank you so much for being here and sharing so
much information about the making of the film. If anyone wants to find more
information about the film you can visit the bullet film website, is that the
best place?
Yeh or just write me an email if there’s
any questions you forgot.
Visit the bullitt film website here: http://bullittfilm.dk/
And for Ditte's own website here: http://www.dihajo.com/
And for more about the Frontline Club here: http://www.frontlineclub.com/
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Tuesday, 27 January 2015
Susan Pollack - the most humble, honest, eloquent & disarmingly kind person I have ever met
For all those who have scrolled past posts this week in the lead up to HMD, for all those who have thought to themselves, why do people care this much? Here's your answer.
These men and women, the survivors I have met and the families that were left behind, who didn't make it beyond the ghetto, beyond the fence of Auschwitz or the other side of the factory wall, who were left to battle the unthinkable temperatures in forests and on death marches. Men and women who could so very easily have been me or you, or more accurately your grandparents.
I have had the absolute privilege to hear from some truly amazing people. Ordinary people who survived unthinkable acts of inhumanity and unimaginable horror. Ordinary people who share their past, in the hope that we, may stand up for our future.
One of these amazing people, is Susan Pollack. I feel I have become friends with many holocaust survivors I have worked with but Susan is the one I picture when I share my experiences. When I sat across the room from these people, here in the UK, in Israel, in the US, knowing I had been to the places they speak of, I had seen it with my own eyes, their life stories became much more than stories, they became lessons to be learned. Susan Pollack is one of the most humble, honest, eloquent and disarmingly kind people I have ever met. To think that she has lived through such dark times, that she agreed to travel back there to tell me about such horror in the living room of her own home, and moments later is refusing to let me leave her house without a cup of tea or some cake… just says a little about the kind of lady she is. She is one of the only people I physically continue to write to and I cannot tell you how grateful I am that she entrusted her story to me, in such vivid detail and with such a vibrant belief that we much stand up against hatred and prejudice to create a just society for ourselves.
It did not end with the end of the holocaust. The lessons are still there to be learned...
In May 2013 I had the privilege of speaking with holocaust survivor Susan Pollack at her London home, where she shared with me her memories of life throughout the war. Her story is not only remarkable because she endured so much suffering, nor because she survived, but remarkable because Susan even after such an ordeal carries such spirit, such goodness. Susan believes that we must remember her story and the millions of others, to ensure genocide on the scale of the holocaust cannot happen again. We must learn from it to ensure a good and just society.
Below is the transcript of my few hours
with Susan. The file names refer to video clips and is for my reference only.
Alternatively you can view parts of Susan’s
story in ‘After Auschwitz’, a documentary made by myself, which also features
survivor, Freddie Knoller. The film is available to view online for free here:
Full version (58mins) https://vimeo.com/94738448
Short version (27mins) https://vimeo.com/101650543
I will shortly be releasing the transcript
for Freddie’s interview too. Until then, I leave you will Susan Pollack.
SUSAN POLLACK INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
MVI_2229
I’m Susan Pollack. I was born in Hungary,
in a small little village not far from Budapest, about 20mins journey from
Budapest by train. This Felsogod, the name of it is Felsogod, is on the Danube.
I don’t exactly know the number of the population there but it’s relatively
small. And we lived there.
Tell me a little about your childhood. So, what was
life like before the war?
Yes I was born in Felsogod and I lived
there. I had a happy childhood. It’s a village, a town in history where
children have been brought up as being part of the economic necessities. Which
means that I was expected to take the ducks out, I was expected to clean the
stables. We had a business, most people were self-employed in those days, to
serve the customers. We had a coal and wood business. And clean up, be helpful
in the kitchen. It was a good life and I liked it. T was a good life.
I went to a local school, primary school
there in Felsgogod and that was really my childhood. I had friends from the
village where I lived and it was a happy, happy childhood. Yeh.
And when did you first start to notice any
anti-Semitic feeling towards you? Did you ever feel targeted?
Well ant-Semitism, how did it manifest
itself in Felsogod? There were only about, I would think about, 18 Jewish
families living in that village. We had own little synagogue, just a very
simple synagogue and that is where we went to pray, on Saturdays and sometimes
Friday evenings. But in, I was born in 1930, September.
I don’t remember any anti-semitism in my
very early childhood. That’s not to say it wasn’t there. But I myself hadn’t
been affected by it. That feeling, that sort of behavior, anti-semitism GREW in
time. But again, it did not effect our lives that much because, perhaps we
deluded ourselves. We felt oh well, they are just ignorant, malicious people.
And the graffiti on the wall, accusations about certain things, we didn’t take
much notice of it.
But as the times went on, as the years grew
closer to the 40s, e certainly have had a clear indication of that there was a growing anti-Semitic and
fascist parties emerging on the political scene. I have, at the time I wasn’t
so aware of it, In 1922, just to take back, in 1922 before my birth, there was
already a legislation against the Jews; that the Jewish people, the Jewish
students could not enter further education. It was reduced to a certain number,
comparable to the percentage [of] the Jews [that] lived in Hungary for
instance.
And my brother, I had a brother, an older
brother, he had enormous problems looking for a future profession or career.
But we thought, ok, it will blow over, it’s just a temporary thing. And as the
years went by, as I said coming closer to the 1940s we had many legislations
against us yes. That deprived us of social activity. My father could not keep
his little business open. In the late 1940s we had been excluded from many
other activities. And that’s how my education in Hungary, was also curtailed by
a great deal. So it kind of grew, grew with the years.
And of course in 1939, when the outbreak of
the war occurred, Hungary became part of the ‘axis’ alliance and everything
changed for us.
(The Axis
Alliance was the alliance between Italy, Germany and Japan during WW2. They
shared mutual aims in territorial expansion and the destruction or
neutralization of Soviet communism. Hungary joined in Nov 20th, 1940)
What’s the first thing you can remember affecting you
directly? Was it not going to school? What made it hit home that YOU were being
targeted. You were being singled out?
I realized quite early on, in my early
childhood that, ‘you Jews’ well it was graffiti on the wall, ‘you Jews go to
Palestine’ ‘You Jews, we don’t want you here’. But I had a secure background, I
had a secure home life and it wasn’t disturbing me to a great extent. And I
went to a local primary school with all the other kids.
But when I was finished with the primary
school, in the 40s, in the early 40s no school would accept me. So the only
school that would, in a close-by town, it was a big market town called Vác had still a Jewish
school open but that school could only take in – I think they had only a few
Jewish teachers – they’d only take in, all the Jews, all the Jewish students so,
we were crowded out, in that school. In the classroom there were about 80
students, 1 teacher, it was crowded out. I was at the back of the classroom and
I heard nothing and I learned nothing.
And then eventually my father managed,
somehow with great difficulty I would think, to find a school for me in Budapest,
we were segregated, meaning few Jewish students in that state school had been,
kept at the back of the class, with two empty rows between us and the rest of
the class. The same thing happened outside in the playground, we could not play
with the rest of the students. We were segregated.
So my education was perhaps zero you could
say, I learned to yes, read and write, but little else.
So gradually, gradually I was were aware,
and of course we wore the yellow stars outside, for Identification. And we
heard, I heard incidents when young children, particularly at the railroad, had
been arrested by the Hungarian Gen damme, just for being Jewish. And many of
them have never been seen again. We shall never know where they were taken to.
So arrests had been practiced already.
Now I’d like to let you tell us your story, going on
from this, and if there’s anything I’d like to know more about, I’ll come back
to it.
I just want to state, the difficulty of getting
reliable information, trustworthy and reliable information. Trusting the
government, trusting the local council, which we realized early on we could not
do. Because particularly after 1939, all
news came from Nazi Germany and we were desperate to find out, ‘is anyone, is
any country going to rescue us? What can we do, where can we go?’ And as there
was no information available, we turned to setting up a séance table, calling
spirits. And as I said, my brother, myself, my parents sat, with inverted
glasses asking ‘are we going to survive, as a family’, because we felt the
terror increasing. Not realizing what was already going on elsewhere. Because
obviously everything was kept in secret. And as human beings, respond to hope,
we felt it will come to an end, it must come to an end.
When the Russians entered the war, we had
hoped that they’ll conquer soon but it wasn’t to happen.
(CAMERA CUTS OUT, SO WE ASK SUSAN TO
BACKTRACK JUST A LITTLE)
So after the outbreak of the war in 1939, with
all the great conquests that Germany had made right across Europe, we realised
that perhaps our fate is doomed. So we turned to setting up a séance table. A
séance table with spirits, asking what is going to happen to our family, are we
going to survive as a family unit, will the children be alright and such
questions. Our hope was responded ‘yes and the allied forces will be quick’.
And the Russians after 1941 they came, they
will liberate us somehow, give us the freedom, that we did not have anymore. So
that was the feeling, the feeling was a sense of abandonment, a sense of great
fear of the unknown. As I said my
schooling was practically zero. We were asked to identify ourselves when outside,
on everything I wore outside as a young child. I sewed on the yellow star on
our clothing, And we waited. There was nothing we could do, we just waited
which we hoped would be a short period of time, but it wasn’t to be.
Well, I learnt that we were the very last
ones actually, in Hungary, the Hungarians were the very last community, Jewish
community and the Romas included, who were transported. And how that happened
was. There were some rumours, rumours emerging quite regularly without any
reliable sources that we are going to be resettled somewhere in the East, but
the council just shrugged their shoulders, ‘well we don’t know anymore than
that’. So this was getting more and more regular and we had a life that wasn’t
supported anymore because my father had stopped working and we had difficult
economic situation at home.
One fateful day, actually it was in 1944, that
we had a call up, a letter from the local council saying that that rumour now
has been substantiated and come and we’ll discuss it. That resettlement
programme. So by then they didn’t trust the Hungarian authorities but
nevertheless they though, we’ll find out.
All the men had been called, 18 Jewish
families who lived there. Then shortly after we had been called, the rest of
the family, to say goodbye to my father. And I had seen him being brutally
beaten up in front of my eyes and herded onto a lorry and I [haven’t] seen him
since.
We weren’t allowed to use the public
transport anymore, even with the yellow star (referring to trams for Jewish
citizens only). We sent a Christian Hungarian lady from the village to take a
basket of food to him and she came back with the information that, ‘just as well
you didn’t see your father’ or your husband to my mum, ‘because he was almost unrecognizable’.
They were so brutal to the men particularly. So whether it was the starvation
that affected him, or physical torture, I don’t know. And so we realized then, that
our fate is doomed.
Shortly after in 1944, one of the
architects of the holocaust came and occupied with a relatively small
army/troop. Within 6 weeks we were transported. We were transported, that was
in 1944, May, at first to a ghetto in Vác where I went to that Jewish school and the
Hungarian van damme said, just take the food that you can prepare. Came to us
one evening ‘start baking the bread because in the morning we’ll call on you’. And
that’s what happened. And we took just the bare essentials that we could carry.
I was only a little girl and I so I carried, there was no luggage, we put everything
into a sheet, and that’s how I carried my sewing machine. I was pretty good, I
was 13, younger than that, on my back. Because I thought I would be able to
support my family in a strange family, wherever that resettlement takes place.
So I carried that, the bread, the food, bare essentials.
We were taken to Vác and stayed there
for a few days. From there we were taken to an internment camp, a large disused
mine. It was outside that we stayed, outside and I think it was raining at
times and somehow we managed to erect a tent above our heads with one of the
sheets we brought. And had the food that we brought. Occasionally we attached
ourselves to various queues, some queues that would offer some bread which we
never received. Other queues had supposedly given exemptions to those who had
converted to Christianity but that didn’t affect us because we had no
intention, nobody ever converted and nor would it actually stand up because of
the Nuremburg laws that go back I don’t know how many generations. So, it was
tough to put it mildly, very tough.
(Nuremberg
Laws: At the
annual party rally held in Nuremberg in 1935, the Nazis
announced new laws institutionalising many racial theories
prevalent in Nazi ideology. The laws excluded German Jews from
Reich citizenship and prohibited them from marrying or having sexual relations
with persons of "German or related blood." These laws were both an
attempt to return the Jews of 20th-century Germany to the position that Jews
had held before their emancipation in the 19th century; although in the 19th
century, Jews could have evaded restrictions by converting, this was no longer
possible.)
And we slept on the ground, then we walked,
we were marched to the trains, the cattle trains, the box cars. And we kind of
breathed a sigh of relief having left this mine. It was a very hot day, I
remember that quite clearly. It was a very long walk and we were pushed into
the carriage. Jam-packed with about 80-100 people. All women, children, elderly.
And close the door, and we were suffocating in there. It was very hot. We were
suffocating but kind of felt hopeful that ‘thank goodness we left this place’.
The train was going and going and many of us died of thirst, lack of water,
lack of fresh air, especially the elderly, the babies. And when the doors
opened, of it was fresh air hit our faces and suddenly we kind of came alive….Not all of us. And we arrived in
Auschwitz.
What was it like in Auschwitz? A place of
terror, indescribable terror where shouting and big dogs were watching your
every move. We just stood and waited.
Instructions came. I learnt Dr, Mengele and
his trenchmen, because some of the Hungarian prisoners were whispering to me,
don’t say you’re younger than 15, because that meant straight to the gas
chamber. I didn’t know it then of course. When a Nazi asked my age, I said 15,
and he pushed me to one group. My mother went to the gas chamber. She was in
her 40s, tired and worn, anguished and very despondent.
My brother went to 1 group, …. ??inaudible???
A German woman said, take off your clothes,
[we were] stark naked and shaved our hair and threw some disinfectant on our
bodies, after the trains. Marched us into a big barrack with all girls. About
1000, in that big wooden barrack.
We were on the top level, there were three
levels, bunkbeds. About 8-10 girls were sleeping in there, with one blanket
among us. We were shivering, although it was hot.
Hardly any food given and that was all.
Starvation, not hunger, starvation, that was eating every cell of one’s body.
MVI_2231
Starvation there, no food given out. We may
have had coffee with no sugar, a piece of bread, like sawdust that we had to
save because in the evening we had dishwater, soup.
I started losing weight very rapidly. But at
first, we could lose ourselves in a fantasy game. So from 1 girl to the next,
we remembered our home life and what will you have for breakfast we asked. A
piece of bread with jam, with butter and maybe an egg. And so, you could taste
it and you remembered. It’s a sort of psychological device . But that requires
energy and very soon we did not have that.
That’s all we could do. We were taken to be
examined stark naked in front of Dr. Mengele. 4 doctorates, I learned later. He
inspected our naked body and those who didn’t meet his standard, couldn’t do
slave labour, were sent to the gas chamber. We knew that. Girls who’d been
there knew. We could smell the burning flesh.
MVI_2233
Had
you heard of Auschwitz?
I could have never imagined that babies,
young children, elderly people would be led into gas chambers. Even if we had
heard, would we have believed it?
We should have known and the news had come
out from Auschwitz at that time. There were two escapees from Auschwitz
specifically to inform and influence us Hungarians of what was coming, to allow
to. However, difficult decisions might have been. I mean where could we go? Who
would take us in?
1938, there was a conference where many
states had been called by Roosevelt in, Évian-les-Bains
, France, to discuss that matter.
That’s history, we didn’t know about that.
Which country is going to offer a place of rescue? Not many did.
MVI_2241
Just
describe what you felt in Auschwitz
for me. What did it feel like?
Auschwitz was a place of terror. Terror but
total complete deprivation of any individual thinking, of any kind of
self-expression. It was total dehumanization, which meant that there was no
complaints that ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘I won’t go there’ or ‘I’m hungry’. There
was no expression. Losing your humanity completely, losing your needs, your
desires, because the total complete overtaking of it by terror. Of being beaten
up, of being tortured, of being disgraced maybe in front of the group before
you’re shot, which we had seen. That was the life in Auschwitz.
It was overwhelming fearfulness, day and
night. I can’t describe it in any other way, that was the feeling. The feeling
that you want to reduce yourself in a little dot. Not to be seen, not to be
heard. Practically not to exist. That’s what was Auschwitz, because nobody
existed, there were only numbers, numbers on the arms which I don’t have, being
a child, we were dispensable, from day to day.
Human beings didn’t count, didn’t count. We
were just nothing, nothing, and so children, young people, we realized that
very soon, almost immediately, almost immediately.
The terror has got a way of pervading, of
entering the mind, it’s like when you hit a dog and it cowers in the corner.
That’s how we were. I can’t analyze with anything else.
That’s it. When I was paraded in front of
Mengele, stark naked, I didn’t want to be seen. But I knew, some instinctual
idea came to mind to pinch my cheeks so they’re red, push out my chest although
I was starving, so I looked big. So he could see and I disappear quickly from
his eyes. And that was the act to being terrorized completely, because you knew
the consequences. Yeh.
Terror was displayed in Auschwitz as a
warning. Don’t try anything foolish, not that we could you know, we had no guns
and we wouldn’t know how to operate that and where would go? Even today. There
was no way to escape. 3 or four people have managed, by an amazing route but
they were just the exceptionals.
We were guarded, electrified, the fences
were all electrified and even if you could manage to put yourself outside,
who’s going to support you? We can speak of a silent majority, ask questions,
majority silent, whose side do they take? You never know. How can you be sure,
if you walk in somewhere? Will they hand you over? Many did in the countries.
It’s a world that hasn’t been seen [since]
and I hope it will never be experienced by anyone. Yeh.
MVI_2231
And so
you did slave labour?
On one occasion, I was lucky. Selected for
work and was sent to Guben, a German town where I did some simple electronic
work testing equipment. If the light was green, ok, if it was red, it’s not.
That sort of thing. We weren’t there long and quality and quantity of food
improved.
Allied forces came closer, we had to
evacuate and we were told to start marching. 1944, bitter winter, no clothes or
shoes, we just marched. We’d scrape for food on country roads if we thought
there could be a frozen turnip hidden there. Those who could not keep up, were
shot along the way. That was the long weeks of March, into Belsen.
What
was Bergen-Belsen like?
What was Belsen like? A place of death, a
place of incredible suffering that we haven’t devised the language yet to
express. The moaning, the giving up of life. All kinds of erm terrible, Typhus was
raging and other infectous diseases [were] raging. There was no distribution of
food. There was absolutely no hygiene, There was nothing. Nothing. Just
suffering. Pure suffering.
So when the British liberated us on April
15th, there was no juberated outcry, because it meant nothing. Very
few had the energy even to talk. I myself, I was crawling out, outside because,
apparently that was common. We didn’t want to die inside.
The British liberators were very good at
organizing the rescue mission. Small ambulances criss-crossing, picking up
bodies that showed signs of life. And that’s how they picked me up.
They called in local Germans to clean-up,
to wash us. And they placed me on a clean sheet, in a bed.
Belsen is total devastation. Most people
died. I had been told that place will be burned.
What
happened to you after liberation, where did you go to recover?
I went to Sweden, being a neutral country,
they allowed about 1000 sufferers to go there to recover there. So, that’s
where I was sent and that is where I got on my feet, in Sweden, a very good
country for us, very helpful. I have wonderful memories from there, wonderful
people I’ve met there, later on. And a gradual, the slow gradual rehumanisation
actually started to kind of emerge in me. I was there until 1947, in Sweden. So
that was, particularly a family who was particularly kind. They used to take me
home for their Christmas holidays and though I could not communicate so well,
as I never learned to speak Swedish, their kindness has always remained in my
heart.
Unfortunately I so much wanted to see them
again, but when I was better I was sent to Canada. I wanted to go to Israel but
I wasn’t well enough. So I was sent to Canada so I wasn’t able to go and see
them, which is a great regret of mine. But those small goodnesses is really
what helps people, not big things, small kindness, generosity and inclusiveness
is really the spark of life.
Then I was sent to Canada. I didn’t do much
after I’d recovered reasonably well. I mean I had tuberculosis but that was
cured by good food and good fresh air and we were together with girls of a
similar background so I didn’t have any specific psychotherapy or anything like
that, but being together with these similar background girls was helpful. We
didn’t need to express ourselves, because we knew what they were feeling.
Losing an entire family.
And then I when I went to Canada, I met my
husband there. He is also a survivor from Mauthausen, another notorious camp.
And we got married. I wanted to have a family, reinstate my own family and I
did. I worked and worked and worked and then years later we came to live here,
in Britain in 1962 and I did many things since then. Yes.
MVI_2232
How
do you think survived?
Initial feelings? Right through all of
these camps was self-defence. Unconsciously I have kind of removed myself from
it all. I have, in order to protect myself from all the terrors, all the
unbelievable hard circumstances, I removed myself and it’s like watching a
horror film that did not touch me too much.
In some ways I think it’s a way of
survival. I mean, I was in pain, feeling the hunger, the starvation. At the
same time, I never cried. I never cried because somehow, it was so unreal and
it was so unreal I though, can it be true?
Also my faith has given me help. Help in
the sense that I had an image and I’ve spoken to other survivors who had similar
experiences. A vision appeared to me. It’s like the sky opened up and
everything was rosy. It was a wonderful experience for me. A big hope, a hope
that I was noticed. The only feeling that has given me some trust and that
maybe there is going to be an end to all this.
I suppose being young, being that young,
the elderly people found it harder as it was more real for them. I don’t know
how they survived, the elderly, not many did. Knowing that their family was
murdered. I never thought about that until after. And I still do to this day.
Things were so abnormal that you just had to protect yourself, be good to
yourself, because there was nobody there to be good to you.
Even friendship in my case did not exist,
as we went from place to place and you never knew who would be gone [the] next
minute. No-one could give anything, no-one knew anything. It was that kind of a
unbelievable environment.
Friendship means giving, loving, being
good. That place didn’t allow it. There were instances where they did but it
didn’t happen to me.
![]() |
| Holocaust Educational Trust Ambassadors with whom Susan works |
Completely
understandable though…
I’m hoping I’ve made up for it, for the
lack of it, in time. I became a Samaritan here for 7-8 years, that was my
therapy. As well as giving, I gained a lot from it. Other voluntary work, in
hospice, various others. Mainly the Samaritans have been very helpful.
Working, I became a vodka seller, an export
agent. Here, I sold Sheffield steal products in America, where my 3 children
grew up proudly. I went to the States, educated myself. Got a degree in History
and Roman psychology. A busy life, but I do remember. I go to schools a lot,
and other places to talk about it. They made a film of me, in Belsen, the BBC.
So I did a lot in that sense but it doesn’t get easier… I can live with it, but
it’s tough.
It’s tough and I’m not that trusting though
I hope I’m a good, kind person but not that trusting. Always a bit of doubt in
my mind. And with the rise of anti-Semitism here in Europe, especially in
Hungary, one is beginning to ask questions. Why, why is it necessary to hate,
why necessary, especially the Jews, right across History. Accused of nasty
things. What is it about human beings, are we so wonderful? A French writer
Roussou ‘we’re all wonderful’ we’re not under certain circumstances. People can
turn to be violent. One has to be vigilant, careful, stand up, speak up because
life is short, I’m beginning to realise that now. Life is short. And the only
value to behold is the goodness for each other.
That’s all I can say.
MVI_2237
Why
do you remember, why’s it important to you to tell your story?
Reflecting on those time are very important
to me. First of all, I am lucky, I survived but most of my family did not. So I
speak for them, as well. But in addition, it isn’t just a talk about what
happened, we need to look ahead for the future.
I believe in order to create a better
society we need to know what people can be capable of doing and how to prevent
it. Alert them of the danger of any form of persecution, bullying,
scapegoating, malicious gossip about defenceless communities, that affected my
life and [that’s] important to know.
Also, to realise the holocaust didn’t just
happen overnight, there were lead ups long before. It needs all of us, a
personal responsibility to speak up and speak loud and create a just and good
society for all of us. That’s the reason I speak.
MVI_2238
And
education about the holocaust, how important is that to you?
The education about the holocaust is most
important. Because a) it happened in Europe, where we live. Second thing, it
happened to innocent people. It happened in a country which is a progressive,
educated country; Germany. Mostly, the recognition that why wasn’t there more
help available. Although there was help, 10,000 children were saved in this
country in Britain, but why the rest of the world took no interest. I think
it’s important to place themselves in that situation. ‘First they came for the
Jews. I wasn’t one of them and so gradually when it came to me, who will be
there?’ It asks a question of all of us, to take responsibility and I hope that
happens.
(Reference is to following poem circulated
in 1950s by Protestant pastor and public foe of Hitler, Martin Niemoller –
1892-1984)
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak
out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not
speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak
for me.
MVI_2239
And of course, ant-Semitism still exists doesn’t it?The realization that anti-Semitism is
not a belief of the past but it has this evil way of reoccurring over time,
very important. I am absolutely convinced that every generation needs to be
taught, every generation must be introduced, in a way to ask them, place
yourself in that situation.We won’t be around, we’re elderly
people now, survivors. So it is the future generation who will have to
safeguard their own interest. And so it is very important to learn about, to
remember, to visit, to see it in real and to say enough is enough, shame on
you.Anyone who finds for some unbeknown
reasons to join any party that suppresses another, has to be condemned. I think
so.
MVI_2240
What
would you to say to people who stand by and watch these things happen?
Bystanders won’t always be bystanders,
eventually they’ll be involved. It’s not a game that we play. That period of
life, is not a game, nothing to joke about. I don’t like it when people dress
up (Reference to Prince Harry) and make a mockery of it or use suffering. It’s
a sick joke. See for yourself. Eisenhow said ‘there’ll always be idiots’, who
will deny it.
Take pictures, go out and see it, go to the Imperial War Museum, go to Belsen. Go to all these camps and learn, and see, before you say anything.
I am a great believer in these trips going
out to the camps and see it in real, what took place. Don’t allow yourself to
be deluded by friends, things that are damaging not just to you, but to people
around you. Yeh.
| My candle for Susan Pollack - #HMD2015 |
And so, I
feel no better way of ending my week of social media efforts with SUSAN's
words, not mine. I urge you to read on until the end. I feel humanity owes her
that at least, as it took so much from so many.
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