Outnumbered - Series 5?

I'm not quite sure how, but they managed to pull it off. We can no longer rely on the fact that Karen is ridiculously clever for her age, nor that Ben's ridiculously stupid ideas come from a manic child - they have all grown up. It seems almost yesterday that we were watching hyperactive primary school kids. Though, 'Outnumbered' seems to succeed in holding it's comedic values at the centre of family life and it's this that makes it an easy and satisfying watch.

THEN & NOW

In episode 1 we see Karen struggling among her school peers and relentlessly attempting to convince her parents to hire a thermal imaging camera to seek out her lost hamster. Jake gets a tattoo and is ridiculed by all at the fact it looks like a spider and Ben, decides it is his life's calling to act as Spartacus in his school-play.

With ongoing bickering between mum and dad and considerable wit from the children, episode one lives up to our expectations. It may not be as 'laugh-out-loud funny as previous series but it maintains exactly, the situations our families find themselves in everyday. I too set my alarm clock early, to fool myself into a lie in. My main woe at work behind the bar is that moment I touch the surface and sparks fly up my arm from static. We all enjoy that little moment that Karen gets her own back on 'high-horse, lactose-intolerant' Esme, as she eats her ice-cream. They may all be visibly older but thankfully, its charm remains.

'Outnumbered' is back next Wednesday at 9pm on BBC1.

National TV Awards 2014

It's been a bit of a mental week for me, so apologies for the lack of reviews! But here we go...
Wednesday 22nd January - The National Television Awards. Only this time, I wasn't just watching in front of the TV. For the second year running I had the opportunity to work as part of the production team.

NTA Rehearsals

This year saw me step-up from being a runner and work as a Production Assistant, taking charge of the endless amount of seat-fillers needed to ensure that the floor looks full on camera. It makes it a bit tricky when Coronation Street win an award and leave over 30 seats free for me to fill with elegantly-clad, members of the public. I felt quite sorry for all those that had to listen to my voice all night, shouting over the arena noise, to instruct them on where to go and what to do. I couldn't hear a thing on the radio for the same reason, but what a great night! Full of all the adrenaline that comes with live shows!

Ant & Dec's Landmark Award Selfie

This year, I was responsible for all those entering on stage right, which gave me quite the view! Perhaps the best view, was for the Landmark Award when everything had calmed down a bit and I had got into my stride, co-ordinating those going in and out. And who can forget the view of that glorious selfie from Ant & Dec after 25yrs in the industry?! Even I was a little choked when they were struggling to hold it together! What a highlight!

Camera Rehearsals

Although this was my second year, this time I was in the Arena all day and got a chance to learn even more from all the rehearsals. I sat among an array of happy heads (celeb faces on sticks) for the purposes of camera line-ups for all the nominees and pretend winners. I even got a chance to rehearse my future NTA acceptance speech a few times, when filling in for celebs during the rehearsal. Might have to wait a while for my own though!

I have to admit, the day was made even better by the hug I got from the lovely Dermot! ;) And he is...lovely. He made sure to speak to every one of the choir from Educating Yorkshire, banter with the cameramen and runners and just generally make rehearsals a delight. Not demanding, not rude just...lovely! WHERE'S HIS AWARD?!

Musharaf: 'YES, YES, YES'

A massive moment for me was when Educating Yorkshire won 'Best Documentary Series' -rightfully so! Mr Burton ironically quite speechless managed to needlessly bend to the mic and mutter in a very Wallace & Gromit-esque way...'this is crackers', whilst Mr Mitchell thanked all of the hard-working teachers across the country that don't get the recognition that they deserve. That moment however, we were all waiting for, came right on cue. Musharaf, that timid stammering boy who found it hard to even tell people his name, strode forward to the mic with confidence and simply shouted 'YES, YES, YES'. Our Educating Yorkshire experience was made complete by that moment! TwoFour truly found a killer cast and couldn't have hoped for a better story than Musharaf!

Watching back the programme, I feel we needed a hundred more seat-fillers, for when too many of our gracious winners hit the bar early. However, with an event so huge, that has been and gone in two days as if they were never there, what a show to behold. Sam Bailey is lovely too I might add, having a bit of banter with us all about her absolute need to meet Danny Dyer. She has an amazing voice too! As does Michael Bolton, whose tone echoed around the arena effortlessly, and melted us all to the ground.

I feel the NTAs are a nice reminder of who want to be like in the industry. I want to be like Sam, like Dermot, Ant and Dec and like all those who gave gracious speeches and meant it. I will always have time for the people around me, and it's nice to know that the majority of celebrities share that too. Yes alright, there are a lot of drama queens who don't and who refuse to be held back by runners telling them they can't walk across the shot but I was a little overwhelmed with the job we'd done and those I found myself among. Strolling around the after-show party was surreal last year and it certainly didn't get any less so this year!

Massive shout out of the show though, goes to 'Call the Midwife' who totally should have got an award. Aside from that, the last thing anyone wants to do at a party is pose for a photo with a randomer but Helen George was lovely when I told her I've never really had a programme to sit down happily with my mum and my grandma to watch. Call the Midwife has become that for me. So, especially for my mum and my grandma, here's a massive shout out from myself and Helen!

The NTAs are always full of new challenges for the production team and I've loved it for the past two years! Here's (hopefully) to next year, when maybe Coronation Street will spare a thought for everyone else when they decide to sweep all the awards!!!!


Huge thanks to Indigo TV also!

'Call the Midwife' is back!

As much as I love 'Call the Midwife' mainly because the clothes and customs of the era fascinate me, I have never warmed to Chummy like many others have. It just seemed to me as though Miranda Hart was acting as herself once again, just with a slightly heightened vocabulary.

However (and this is a rather large however), her appearance in Episode 1 of the new series opened my eyes to the acting ability of the nation's beloved Miranda. As she sprawls upon the floor with a panting soon-to-be-mother she is faced with a difficult birth, as the baby's shoulders become stuck. As she manoeuvres mum and baby, we see the panic in her eyes and when the baby is born she massages the child's back encouraging it to breathe. As it wails, I saw a Chummy I have not seen before. She cries.

Suddenly all of that moping, itching around the house sewing cushion covers and baking pies, make a lot more sense. Chummy is lost, and the delivery of the baby has reminded her what she has been missing. It is quite satisfying to watch as Chummy looks herself in the mirror to place her midwife hat upon her head. Poplar is back to normality.

Another great moment for the opening to the season is the appearance of Sister Monica Joan. All to often we all swipe aside the knowledge of our elders, as we put it down to superstition and old wives tales - or just nonsense. Sister Monica Joan, renowned for her off balance persona and confused mind emerges from episode 1 as the saviour no-one expected.  I am a lover of words and truly adore it when Sister Monica Joan speaks in tongues through the books she has read. The fact that she saves the day, sees a fitting return of Nonnatus House to it's former glory, in a new location.

With the welcoming of Princess Margaret to the community hall, the girls are most certainly back and Poplar is set to thrive in the coming series! Who's getting married next... like that one's hard to work out.

Summer in February

It seems I stumbled across a hidden gem, whilst scrolling through the films on my Amazon shopping list. Summer in February boasts a cast of actors we are all familiar with for their leading roles in various British dramas: Dan Stevens, Emily Browning, Dominic Cooper, Nicholas Farrell. You would expect a hearty story-line full of mischief and beauty - and it does not disappoint.

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Set in pre-war England, we are witness to a society in which duty is much valued. Yet, there are a group of artists who seem to have escaped the reigns of duty and instead are unchained free spirits, living upon the picturesque Cornish coastline. Perhaps the freest of them all, is a Mr AJ Munnings, played by Dominic Cooper. His boyish grin and penetrating eyes are perfectly placed for this unpredictable character who cannot help but adore the drama of hearing his own voice declare some air of poetry or artistic revelation. Blind in his right eye, he stabs boldly at the canvas' he paints, creating masterpieces for all fellow artists to be jealous of. His most iconic piece perhaps, comes with the arrival of Florence, whose brother Joey has been living among the artsists for a while. Immediately she catches the eye of the floundering Munnings however, he is not alone in his affection.

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Dan Stevens enters as the Mr. Gilbert Evans whose eyes simply cannot be drawn away from the flawless complexion of the stunning Florence. Like a fly to a light he cannot help but fly towards his lady as it becomes very much a - three's a crowd - kind of relationship. It seems that Gilbert is just about to pop the question when who should interrupt but the bold AJ. Soon after AJ beats him to it and proposes to her himself. We almost wonder why she agrees at all but perhaps her love of art transposes to artists and she simply cannot say no.

magazine.essentialworld.travel/summer-in-february

The character of Florence is difficult to read as she hides behind sad eyes and a stiff expression. It seems only that the light in her eyes return when in the presence of Gilbert whom she clearly adores so much. Yet, she is to be married to AJ. They marry at the same time as the unveiling of AJ's collection in London. It follows that Florence sits in the midst of this collection. Poised in the centre on horseback upon a canvas of leafy contrast she should be happy we think - and yet she is not. She merely points out to Gilbert that she sits amongst a collection of AJ's women; a traveller, a half-dressed Dolly and herself. As others toast to the new Mrs. Munnings, the wonderful Emily Browning fights back tears at the realisation of the trap she has allowed herself to be caged in. She has clearly been unhappy for some time, as at the reception of their wedding she drinks poison in an attempt to take her own life. She clearly had purchased this before, leaving Gilbert running to her aid to save her.

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As time goes on, she finds herself less alive than ever. The light fades from her eyes and the colour in her cheeks thrives only in the presence of Gilbert, who has found her a cottage on the cliff to escape to. Although recovered from the poison she drank, she finds herself overcome by the poison than seems to flow from AJ towards her. As he grows frustrated at their non-existent sexual encounters and as he snaps at her more frequently, she becomes less of the outspoken and confident girl we saw on her arrival to Lamorna and more a shell, a distant expression of her prior self.

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The worst comes when she sits down to breakfast with Gilbert and AJ and Gilbert announces that he has applied for a job in West Africa and that he will be gone for three years. In panic AJ shouts at him as Florence simply runs away to her cottage, where only Gilbert can find her. As he approaches, they finally give one another the embrace they have longed to. They make love in the candlelight and her days are lightened a little by the love she finally feels, is reciprocated.

On his departure, we are witness to the trap ever tightening around the beautiful and gentle Florence. It is not one of those affairs we simply hate her for entering, it is one she was destined for. She is trapped in this world with no escape. She stands on the edge of the cliff and stares down at the crashing waves against the rocks as if contemplating if she is bold enough to jump. She is no Munnings however, she does not share his boldness.

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Her lover is gone and has left her with child. She tells Laura Knight that it cannot be AJ's and we suddenly feel the pang that she has. Emily Browning portrays the utter desperation of Florence's character brilliantly. It is a feeling some of us know all too well. We wish for other things, for greater adventure, for true love and yet we cannot escape from the present. We do not wish to hurt others, we feel so wronged, we wish to just runaway to hilltop and take in the breeze as though it will whisk away our worries in an instant. She has lost the only one who made her feel loved, made her feel safe and as AJ rushes over to her at the fancy dress party he has hosted and names her publicly, as a whore, she can bear it longer.

In a final attempt at retreat, she flees to her cottage on the cliff. As rain pours in through the wind-damaged window she stares at the flame of her oil lamp. As day approaches, she takes the remaining poison she has hidden on her shelf and drinks. Florence, has given up on life. She is dead.

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As Dan Stevens returns as Gilbert to Lamorna, he is met with only a name on a headstone, a name of a Mrs. Florence Munnings. The pain in his eyes is clear to see and Stevens gives us that choked up gaze we all empathise with. We can sense the heartbreak, the guilt and with his final trip to Florence's cottage, the love he will always feel for her.

I normally find myself looking at costume in a period drama but the screenplay in Summer in February drew me away from that. The music was emotive and the setting as beautiful as it needed to be. Yet somehow it became a setting that as much as it represented freedom for all the artists of Lamorna, became a trap for their beloved Florence. She was simply a girl trapped in the mistake of a moment passed, if only AJ had not interrupted Gilbert's proposal in the first place. She was a woman loved by one too many. It is a great performance from all of the cast and a wonderful if tragic watch.

her.ie

Fortune's Fool

Fortune favours the brave, isn't that what they always say? Well not in this case, not at all. The play, originally written in 1948, is set in rural Russia, amidst some rather wealthy estates and an array of whimsical aristocratic pride. With servants cleaning doorknobs that appear in doorways stretching all the way from Downstage to Upstage. We see Vaksa the servant, cast loving glimpses at the smiling Masha. It is a set well thought out, and the cast thrive in its nooks and crannies.

arbiturian.com (The servants seek a glimpse of the newly weds)

standard.co.uk - The ragged Kuzovkin

We find ourselves introduced to our first character, a lowly man, Vassily Semyonitch Kuzovkin. He is asleep in the linen cupboard and the obvious subject of servant humour as he emerges half-dressed beneath a huge portrait of the late master of the house. It follows that Kuzovkin himself is entitled to an estate to rival nearby aristocrats, but there are other claimants and the lawsuit has ruined him. The previous master of the house had taken him in and on his death, Kuzovkin remained, awaiting the return of his master's daughter from Petersburg, Olga and her new husband, Yeletsky.

Old Vic Theatre . com

Having cherished her as a child, Kuzovkin awaits Olga's arrival, whilst his friend Ivanov (John McAndrew) reminds him that her husband is the owner of the estate now and may well throw him out. He seems to play almost the conscience of the performance as he silently observes every word and actions of his acquaintances. His truthful eyes encourage the audience to seek their own truths in what unfolds. Kuzovkin shrugs off the warning and welcomes the blonde beauty home as servants faff and panic in excitement. We witness the rather fitting performance of a familiar face in Trembinsky, played by Daniel Cerqueira as he bosses the clearly more knowledgeable Pyotr about the stage. It seems that in the absence of genuine claimants to the estate, Trembinsky has assumed a far from humble position as head of the house. It becomes known rather quickly however, that Pyotr will be of more use to his new master. We will him to finally get the recognition he deserves.

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Olga is a delight to watch. Her playful and kindly spirit is perfected by Lucy Briggs-Owen. She is indeed, as beautiful as Kuzovkin epxresses. The excitement she feels to show Yeletsky the house and the gardens is utterly believable as is the physicality that she holds. Her need to travel across the stage in excitement and then return across it to take her husband's hand, reflects the conflict that her desires and personality beholds - something that later will prove important.

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The play is very much a play of two halves. We watch as Kuzovkin allows himself to be carried away with the day's events. He is invited to dine with Yeletsky and proud local landowner, Tropatchov and his right hand man, 'Little Fish'. Unbeknown to him, this becomes his downfall. Tropachov is played brilliantly by Richard McCabe. His royal gesturing arms and aristocratic shoulders portray a character completely over-indulged in his own royalties. His booming voice and constant interruptions show that this man has no time for the 'lesser men' he finds himself among. McCabe is wonderful and his presence is much anticipated in both halves. As Kuzovkin tells the tale of his right to his estate, it becomes apparent that Tropatchov despises his very presence and the poverty that he represents. He turns his hand to getting Kuzovkin drunk - so drunk that he falls over and makes an utter fool of himself. He cries at being made a laughing stock, being asked to sing for his supper. The climax of our first half comes when he announces in absolute drunken distress that he is - wait for it - Olga's real father. Patrick Cremin, does a fantastic job as the understudy. We feel his humiliation vividly and only wish it to end for this poor man, who simply will not stand up for himself.

As well as this scene goes, it does seem a little odd that Olga is not present at the table, having only excused herself to get changed. Is it a fitting return for the lady of the house to dine alone in her bed chamber? Perhaps a plot-hole that needs to be filled in its next West End appearance.

The marvellous set design by William Dudley

As the lights come up, for the second half we are faced with a dazzling set. Yeletsky appears and informs Olga that Kuzovkin is leaving. Alarmed she begs with her husband to allow her to speak with him alone one final time. After much deliberation, he gives in. Kuzovkin enters nervously and perches on the sofa. It becomes apparent quite quickly, although not quickly enough in my opinion, that olga overheard Kuzovkin's revelation that he is her father. She asks him to tell her the truth. It is frustrating to watch as he holds back and tells her it was a drunken lie. A second later he is persuaded to admit the truth to Olga - he is her father. This scene, as frustrating as it is, is a delightful one to behold the skill of these actors. As Olga takes in the shock and Kuzovkin allows tears to roll freely down his cheeks, we see here exit to her room. Yeletsky enters to speed things along.

independent.co.uk

Alas then, who should enter but Tropachov. As Yeletsky invites them to explore the gardens, he remains with Olga and Kuzovkin to attempt to pay him off and let him leave. Our cold husband from Petersburg may be doing the right thing to keep the estate running, but is it right for his dearest wife? This harsh yet loving nature is brilliantly held by Alexander Vlahos. Kuzovkin finally takes the cheque when Olga herself returns to persuade him of it. Tropachov returns to the room as Kuzovkin is invited to say some final words. Some snide comments thrown in the direction of Tropachov go down well. With a shaking of hands with 'Little Fish' who is obviously in a similar position to himself, he leaves. With some harsh intakes of breath from Olga as she holds back her sobs, it forces her to hide away and once again retreat to her room.

discounthteatre.com

It is unfulfilling as an ending. Are we supposed to feel happy that the fool finally got his fortune? Or are we distraught that Olga may never know Kuzovkin as a father? As unfulfilling as it may be, we are at least glad that Kuzovkin gets to have his own words with Tropachov. A talented cast and a play not at all affected by the absence of Iain Glen as our fool. Perhaps my only criticism is that Olga had no reason not to be at the dinner where this all begins and that, as she is not present. The second half needs us to assume quicker that she has overheard. For example, the lights come up - Olga goes into the study, shuts the door, takes in the information she has heard and then flees to her room. Then we return to the scene as it happened. I believe it would have taken the audience into her mindset quicker, as we watch her toil at pretending to her husband that she does not know of the previous night's events. However, with nothing else to criticise I feel it was a night at the theatre well spent. The theatre is a beautiful one too.

I hate to say it - but there is undying need in my head to do so - You'd be a fool not to see this play finally gain West End recognition.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

www.dailybillboardblog.co.uk

They are calling it the new 'Forrest Gump', a hit that will become a classic and yet for some reason it left me a little underwhelmed. I am not by any means saying I disliked the film because I didn't...far from it. I merely point out that I did not get the same feeling that I had with 'The Truman Show' or 'Forrest Gump' which I was told to expect. Putting comparisons aside for a moment however, it was a film that left me speechless.

My silence came not because the film blew me away so much I simply could not speak, not because it was that inexplicably good. It silenced me because the 2hrs and 5mins I saw, meant that on leaving the cinema I was quite comfortable in being inside my own head. I myself, was having my own little Walter Mitty moment which I suppose is testimony to the film itself.

hollywood.com

The film follows an ordinary man with a limitless imagination, who works in the print lab of Life magazine. He has the hots for co-worker Cheryl Melhoff but wouldn't dream of asking her out. He finds himself however, during the dissolution of Life magazine, willingly drifting off into his fantasies, emerging a man who takes us on an adventure we all dream of experiencing.

Lead Ben Stiller is an actor we all associate with playing the funny man and it was odd to see him 'playing it straight'. It felt forced. I felt almost as if we needed a less known actor to play the part of Walter, purely because it is about an underdog. It is about someone with no star quality, no ambition and no adventure and I feel almost as though Ben Stiller draws us away a little from the magic that could unfold with a lesser known face. However, his efforts are good enough to keep me hooked. His imagination is something I felt I shared with the character and so those moments that seem a little blank, a little stiff, are forgiven as we remember at heart, he is used to sitting in a dark room, organising negatives with only one other person for company. A particularly great moment for me is when he shows off his skateboarding tricks to Cheryl's son Rich, a passion clearly still exists within him. I do feel that Walter's adventure takes a little longer than I would have liked to get started but once it did, I didn't want it to end.

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Kirsten Wiig's performance as Cheryl Melhoff, is a believable one albeit a little unconventional when compared to her previous comedy roles. However, we see a sincerity in her performance we have not seen before. She conveys her responsibility for her son well, as well as natural and honest emotional responses to Walter's attempts at wooing her. We will her too, to find happiness and release in Walter.

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We follow Walter Mitty in a spontaneous adventure as he finds himself following the trail of Photographer, to retrieve a missing negative for the final Life Magazine front cover. It tosses him into a helicopter piloted by a drunken pilot and into an ocean surrounded by sharks. It takes him to Greenland, Iceland, to the Afghan Himalayas but perhaps his greatest conquest of all, is that it brings him closer to Cheryl Melhoff. There truly is some fantastic cinematography throughout the film, particularly within the long-boarding scene where we witness Ben Stiller board into the path of an erupting volcano. As he moves like a bird down the winding mountain road, not only are we treated to some beautiful landscape shots, we feel almost as if we are boarding with him, with some smooth follow-shots that move with every bend.

I also love the way that the film changes up the traditional phone call layout. The film needs us to become part of the adventure that Walter has only ever imagined and phone calls with cut-backs to offices and such, would have removed us from that. Instead, they sometimes opted to embed the words we need to hear in various landscapes and surroundings, beginning with their opening titles. It draws us into the imagination, into the adventure.

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It is almost a coming-of-age story that sees us sucked in by beauty and sees an eruption of confidence and spontaneity from Mitty. Perhaps my favourite scene in terms of character revelation, is that at the bottom of the mountain, when Mitty and photographer Sean O'Connell play football with the sherpas. It is the first time we see him engage in fun with other people, it is almost as though the clouds have parted and finally his dream-world transforms into reality. The setting sun as a canvas definitely helps the scene too!

It is a film that is easy to watch, one that lifts you almost without realising. I still stand by the fact that it took a little too long for the adventure to get started but it left me wanting to throw aside my bags and run into the night. It made my day a little lighter, and I think that's what Mitty is all about. It's about escape, it's about adventure and it's about reality and sometimes a beautiful thing happens, where they all align. It all starts with the little guy, who at the end, not only believes in 'Life' magazines' motto, but lives it too.

It's definitely a film to see with people you enjoy the company of. It will leave you discussing your dreams and ambitions together into the night. It might not be 'Forrest Gump' but it doesn't need to be. We are given the tale of an ordinary honest man, who has the adventure of a lifetime, something none of us can help but dream of. I'd give an 8/10.

Atlantis Series 1 Finale BBC1

So the romance between Hercules and Medusa was ruined when she turned into a weird snake-haired lady... didn't see that one coming. Jason and Ariadne are still yearning for one another (he even slept in her bed) ... surprise surprise. However, there were a few moments in the season finale we did not expect to see.

www.digitalspy.co.uk

'Jason is your son, Pasiphae'

Episode 13 brought all the things we had hoped to see throughout the entire series. It brought treachery, betrayal, cunning, love and someone we (and even Jason) had forgotten about completely: his father. John Hannah appears as Tychon, Jason's father, banished as a leper to the Silver Mines. Although we are not told exactly what happened, we learn perhaps of the greatest twist that the series has managed to pull off, that Pasiphae is Jason's mother! It follows that both she and him, are 'touched by the Gods'. Pasiphae is assumed to have made Tychon into what he is, although we do not find out why.

www.digitalspy.co.uk

The final episode sees Ariadne sentenced to death and Jason and friends run to her aid. In midst of their attempt to flee the city of Atlantis, Hercules finally finds his strength in pulling apart thick iron bars to escape through the sewers. After a long trek, they are given safe lodging in the Silver mines. Here, we await the power hungry Pasiphae as she pursues the one person (although perhaps four people) who stand between her and the throne. We have watched as she has poisoned Ariadne's father the King and await a resolution.

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After much toil and a rather lengthy chase, Ariadne is captured back by Pasiphae's guards. Jason awakes after a blow to the head surrounded by Tychon, Hercules and Pythagoras, with the intent (once again) to save his princess. As it happens, her father is right as rain again, after the Oracle intervenes to save him. Pasiphae returns and is forced to free Ariadne and once again submit to her King.

Will Medusa be saved from her curse?

And so, once again we are given an inevitable 'happy ending'. However, the poor script and lack of tension throughout the series finally upped it's game for the finale. We now have a part of our story that is unresolved, in that we do not know if Jason will ever know of his mother, or indeed that he has already met his father. We know that his fate is to end Pasiphae but will it ring true? Will Hercules ever cure Medusa? We finally, have something to look forward to, rather than just sit through because we have nothing better to watch.

Unfortunately, I believe that the acting ability of lead 'Jack Donnelly' is never going to improve upon his wooden stance, expressionless line delivery and array of just three facial expressions. However, I truly hope that the standard of production and screenwriting, follows that of the season finale. If it does, I will be sure to see beyond the disappointment of his performance and endeavour to explore the many more predictions of the Oracle and the adventures that Greek mythology brings.

digitalspy.co.uk

Until next series!

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

With my impression of the first film being that it held no climax or build-up of tension, I hoped that the second would finally bring the climax I'd missed out on, without the need for pointless exposition.

Perhaps the film would have been better named as 'The Desolation Caused by Smaug' or even 'Another fail for climatic cinema', because once again Peter Jackson failed to fulfil my expectations or even my vision - particularly in 48fps 3D. An entire 2hrs and 41minutes of nothing, was never going to be made better by looking like a 'b reel' home video - just with a few more dwarves.

Credit where credit's due, the VFX were slightly better than 'An Unexpected Journey'. In 48fps, the fire in the first instalment, looked unbelievably artificial however, in round 2 they did manage to step it up - probably quite important in a film about a dragon.

Perhaps taking its place at the top of the failometer was he use of the GoPro underwater shots that made it seem as though we were watching Blue Peter, rather than a fantasy epic. It completely ruined the aesthetic of the film, that in 48fps was already not up to scratch. Enhanced frame rates allow the tiniest flaw to magnifies to such an extent that we find ourselves removed from the fantasy that should grip our every fibre. The 3D aspect is pointless and could even be recognised as a hinderance as we were dragged into a world of poor visual effects and seemingly ungraded compositions that instead of capturing us, threw us out of the fantasy we wished to be captivated by. There were moments within the film that were pleasing to the eye, just not necessarily in 3D and most definitely not at 48fps. Instead, we are forced to reckon with the realisation of the never-ending running time and plot flaws that pay no heed to audiences whose bums are number than ever.

For me, the riddle on top of the mountain at the Dwarf kingdom of Erebor, was one of those flaws. Rather than build the tension to that point, we endure a slow-paced build towards nothing... for a very long time anyway. For example, the amount of time it took for the riddle to be solved to open the door to Smaug's hide, was far too long. The dwarves began descending the mountain so much so that they were out of sight. the moon took far too long to appear, leaving Bilbo dilly-dallying on his own, ridding us of our excitement for the doors discovery. By the time the dwarves return - we no longer care whether the door is open or closed. It also takes away from the moment we should really feel the magic for our heroes' return to their kingdom, instead it seems comedic that it is something they have treacherously fought to reach, yet they will give up and leave it behind. Our feeling is more one of irritance than excitement, as we have now endured a scene twice as long as it could have been: another anti-climax. It should be instantaneous, the sun goes down, the moon comes up and hey presto! Film lends itself to such timing - timing which Jackson seems to have no grasp of at all. After all, the film's length alone says it all doesn't it? Especially when NOTHING HAPPENS.

I also found the sub-plot a little pointless. As much as I enjoyed the visuals of Gandalf almost falling to his death within a crumbling mountain - I do not recall a purpose. His climb up the mountain and venture down within it, seemed more about wasting time, to allow Bilbo and friends to appear at their next destination. It also seems he was in the film more for the fans, than for the plot.

My favourite character redeemed the plot a little however, thank god! Bard, from the moment we saw him won over by the dwarves to cross the lake, was a character we couldn't wait to return to. As we witness the pompous Master of Laketown (Stephen Fry) converse with his servant about the misfortunate existence of Bard the bowman, we cannot help but fall prey to loving the underdog. As we witness his witty remarks, quick-thinking plans and love for his children we are finally plunged into a relationship worth getting our teeth into. Although, his roots are pretty clear to see, as soon as the legend of Smaug and the failure to kill him once before is told, we cannot wait for his time to shine. Needless to say, we never got to see it, as Jackson leads us to the most pointless third instalment I think I may have ever seen. It is obvious that Smaug will be killed by Bard the Bowman and Laketown will be saved - even if it comes off a little charred. Needless to say also that we shall sit our seats for another long-winded mountain trail towards the summit we will have been waiting for for two whole years.

It did help the film a little that I have a rather unexpected crush on Richard Armitage as a dwarf and there were some comedic moments that allowed us to venture away from focussing on the negative aspects of the plot. For example, the love that blossoms (albeit rather quickly) between elf Tauriel and dwarf Kili is an affair we cannot wait to unfold - and we don't wait long. It seems that Jackson fails to recognise exactly what the plot's climatic moments should be as he lets them dissipate into nothing as quickly as they come. The attack of the spiders, the escape from the elves, the romance, the entrance to the Erebor - all examples of things we should have loved but that were taken away from us too quickly (or destroyed by GoPro shots).

The one thing that should have had us on the edge of our seats was Smaug. The voice acting from Benedict Cumberbatch was top notch, although nowadays it's rather hard to tell what is acting talent and what is technologically enhanced. I also, could not really see the advantage of motion capture in terms of Smaug's facial movement. He was... ok, for me. Others have loved him and been wowed by him. I went in expecting a dragon, I got one. Well done Jackson, you did actually meet one expectation. Although WHY DID YOU NOT KILL HIM AND SAVE US ALL 3 HOURS OF OUR LIVES?! The audio of the coins within the chamber of Erebor was one of the greater moments for me, as you could hear every coin fall as Bilbo tries not to wake the sleeping dragon. That is about the only tension I felt within the film so a job well done there.

The other thing I seem to have liked so much I cared to remember it is the moment that finally our gaumless hobbit picks up a sword and uses it!

That...and this....just because it's pretty.

All in all, the visuals and plot were certainly better than the first film. It's just a shame that Peter Jackson dragged it on for so long. I would have loved it a lot more had all this happened in two films. Instead, we must now endure a finale where we already know what happens. Oh well - bring it on I guess.
6/10

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